The Imperfect Storm

I just wanted to say to all my friends and family in California

I hope those fires stay FAR, far away from you and please stay safe!!! My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you and keep in touch if you can!

GUESTBOOK!

PLEASE sign my Guestbook!

You do not have to post a picture, although it would be cool if you did! I would love to know who my readers are, and I promise my life is bound to get more exciting so keep coming back for more. =)

GOT CONFIDENCE?

We all have times when we don't feel as confident as we probably should, but lately I have been feeling really low.

Way to many people have been testing my confidence level lately and with everything else that has been going on (job searching, money troubles, BOYS etc...) I just don't have it in me anymore.

Hopefully once I start this job I will get my act together and start feeling good about myself again, but right now I seem to be sinking lower and lower everyday and I just can't seem to find anything that truly makes me happy.

Temporary happiness, yes. Like yesterday, I went out with a whole bunch of friends to what we call the River Potluck. This was my first time going with them, and I had more fun than I've had in a really long time. We all brought something to share and ate at a table, in canoes in the middle of the Huron River. The food was excellent, and the company was even better!

Then I came home and realized that it was all over, and I would be going to bed...alone... once again. It's not that it is a bad thing to be alone sometimes, but when you love cuddling as much as I do, and you are already feeling pretty down...all you want to do is have someone close to you all night, to help you from thinking about anything bad.

Anyway, the real point of this post is that I had an audition today and after waking up, getting dressed, doing my hair, and putting on my make-up, I could not bring myself to go to the audition.

It has been 7 years since I have been on stage, and I have been so nervous for the last 2 weeks, preparing for this audition, for a play I was not even super excited about to begin with. Now I'm not even going! What's up with that!!!!

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I need to get my shit together!!!

Where have all the good friends gone?

I really wish I had more friends locally...

I suppose it is because I went to so many different schools, especially in high school, that I never really got the chance to make any lasting friendships. Most of the people that I went to high school with didn't even live here.

I only spent 6 months in Maine, but those were the friends that I became closest too and of course none of them lived here either.

In fact, my best friend was a girl from Japan, who I have since lost touch with. Hopefully I'll find here again someday.

The friends that I have made most recently live in Michigan, but too far away to just call up for a night out, or else they live in other states too.

Facebook has been a lifesaver for finding some of my old middle school friends and who knows... maybe that will lead to hanging out more. However, right now I just feel so alone.

The friends that I do have here, I really don't have anything in common with anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with them, but they are all married or engaged...some have babies, and I am just not at that stage in my life yet.

I may be almost 30, but I am a young 30. I'm still in college,

I still enjoy going to clubs and bars, I just want to have fun!

If I happen to meet a great guy in the process that's even better, but I'm not out there seeking marriage.

I guess I am hoping that by getting back into theater that will open up a whole new world for me again. A world that I have missed for so many years. Only a true thespian can understand what I mean, but the friends you make in the theater almost always stick around.

After all what happens backstage....Stays backstage!

Procrastination at it's finest

Since I'm not working and have way too much time on my hands, I have been trying to find things to do to fill up my day. For the most part I have been pretty successful.

Applying for jobs, finding various plays that I can audition for, sitting on the phone for hours trying to get this whole unemployment thing straightened out. Oh yeah, that is nightmare in itself which will be in another post....

Anyway, while sitting at home one night, being bored out of mind but too tired to actually do anything about it, I came across this .

As crazy it may sound, I have become addicted to that too!!! LOL

I guess I have a ton of hobbies that I never really thought about and one of them is photography. Not really in the sense that I want to take classes and work in a portrait studio, but I am always the one at parties with a camera, and I am always taking pics of my friends and family. Now I found a way to take that hobby one step further and I think they turned out REALLY cute!

Guestbook

Story of my life... venting session

As most of you know, but many of you probably don't I lost my job a couple weeks ago.

Our economy really sucks right now. Especially for people in childcare. No jobs for parents means no jobs for teachers. YES, it was devastating, and YES, I am having a really difficult time financially but I'm confident it will all work out for the best.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my job (most days)

My babies were my life, and I will miss them like crazy, but I can't stay at a Day care center that...

1. Doesn't have it together enough to consistently have the same teacher with the same kids.

2. Cuts your hours just so they don't have to offer benefits.

3. Wants the classroom run a certain way, yet won't supply the appropriate materials to go with the lesson plan they force you to follow.

As if that wasn't bad enough, some people seem to be spreading an extremely vicious rumor about me. Although I have it under control it still hurts..... It hurts A LOT!!!

These people were supposed to be my friends, people that I care about deeply.

Without going into too much detail, one person in particular was the reason that I got involved in LPA in the first place. Even when calling to find out more information about the conference, I felt slightly out of place. However, since one of my best friends is an LP I was curious what, if anything I could do to show my support.

I got in touch with an absolutely fabulous woman (or so I thought) who invited me (and Danielle) to a BBQ with our local chapter. She was the one that welcomed me with open arms for months, convinced me not only to volunteer my time but also to become a member. She said that in addition to making a donation, LPA would love to have me as a "support member" and then after the conference was over, she turned on me. No explanation, nothing....

Here is the rest of the story...kinda.

I still felt a bit out of place at the first BBQ but as soon as I walked into the backyard I felt like I belonged.

After spending countless hours with this group, I connected with another woman. Mainly because she and I had one thing in common. She to was an AH woman who was a member because her best friend was an LP. Turns out both these women were NOT who I thought they were. I found out about 3 weeks after the conference that they had both been spreading a rumor about me. I was lucky that not too many people heard it before I did, and was able to stop it but yeah, It really hurts.

Anyway, I have already said way more than I should... but hopefully you get the idea.

I love the friends I have made over the last year, my volunteering at the conference was an experience I won't soon forget. I think about all "My babies" everyday and can't wait until NY when I can volunteer again and see them all again.

I just hope that the people who know me, will stand up for me.

I know that I am NOT that kind of person, most of you know that I am NOT that kind of person, nor would I ever do anything to embarrass my friends, or the organization.

It's kind of ironic, I was actually warned shortly after the conference began that LPA can be very cliquey.... Thanks!

* If cliquey means being two-faced then thanks but no thanks!*

I'll just stick with my own clique at the next event and anyone that wants to be a part of it is more than welcome.

Guess I know who my real friends are!

Jaime Ray Newman

What can be said about a girl that has achieved so much and continues to captivate her fans? From singer, to actress, to forming her own soul/funk/rock band, she just continues to amaze me. Veronica Mars is where Jaime first caught my attention. At first, I was not impressed with the show at all. Kristen Bell and I were friends all through middle school, so I had to watch at least one epi. Now I'm a super fan! It wasn't until I saw Jamie in Made of Honor that I became completely "infatuated". Not in a romantic crush kind of way but being an aspiring actress myself, I wanted to know everything about her . Who she was? Where she grew up? How she got into acting? For some reason she reminded me a lot of myself when I get on stage and I was curious why that was. So, I found out why. She's the same age as me, grew up in the same city I live in, and now she's living the life... She also got to be in a movie with "McDreamy".... Need I say more?